My sister and I were talking about how we both have serious birthday issues–her’s is February 9th, and mine was yesterday, February 21st. We really don’t like our birthdays. Too much hype, too many great expectations, when really it’s just another day. Although the one birthday I did absolutely enjoy the most in my life was my 40th–my sister even surprised me by knocking on my door in Beijing! Oh it was GRAND!
For on odd reason this 48th birthday feels like a monumental one. But I’ll regress to another birthday that stands out: my 30th. I can remember the very precious present Kevin gave me. It was a beautiful wooden bench that now sits out at our cabin. I can also remember the pregnant picture of me sitting on that bench desperately attempting to be sexy in a black pregnancy halter top and my white capri pregnancy pants. This was February of 2002 and in May I had Vincent.
Now it’s during this 48th year that so many realizations have been taking place: for example this is the last birthday he will be a part of. I mean sure, he’ll wish me happy birthday in the future, but he’ll never be under my roof, celebrating my birthday like he has for the past 18 years ever again. Yes, this is very melodramatic of me–I’m aware of that, but it’s just one of the many lasts that are occurring during my 47th and 48th year. The next last will be his 18th birthday in May where he’ll still be under my roof, and I’ll most likely try to throw him the grandest of parties, and he’ll most likely decline the attempt!
I was talking to someone last week, and they summed up this transitional year pretty well. Not only will I be letting go of Vincent–in the off-to-college sort of way, but I’m beginning to let go of a stage of my life. This is neither good nor bad, but it’s a change. Change is inevitable. It’s definitely our ability to embrace the change that matters.
My 48th birthday was great! In particular I did feel the deep love that my son has for me. He seems to also understand the change that is approaching, and he’s embracing the last few months of our supportive doting love. Heck he even let me post pictures with him on the blog. Now that’s a feat!
Here’s to 48, here’s to 30, and here’s to 18! Here’s to all the birthdays and the days in between.
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